To continue my journey with endometriosis, you'll need to hang in there because it's been over a decade long struggle, let's talk Lupron and constant pelvic pain. Sometimes, things that work for others just don't work for you. My last doctor told me I was the the most amazing medical anomaly, he didn't mean it in a 'that's really good for you' way. He was very apologetic when he said this to me after I'd had my fifth and last surgery (so far). So back to me living in Vail, CO, of all places, on a drug that induces menopause at the age of 22 so that I might be able to have children someday. I was just a kid, you never think how young you are when you're young. I'm a very go with the flow kinda' gal and things don't phase me for long. In retrospect, I internalized a lot of the emotional pain and went with the flow of just about every bar in town. I had a blast, I made some really great friends, and the locals quaked when I walked up to the Foosball table. (snicker) But your brain can only handle so much before it begins to change, not that you notice it happening. I had my first hot flash at Walmart in Avon. I was wearing jean shorts and a big comfy navy sweater and I'll never forget it. All of a sudden, I was on FIRE. I thought to myself, "Oh God, no." Five minutes later, it was gone and I felt like I'd just worked out for an hour. Lucky for me, my family's a big bunch of jokesters, speech laden with sarcasm and dry wit, which helped me make light of it all. Thanks Pa! Then the pain began to creep back. It has always been in the same place, lower left quadrant of my pelvis. Dull at the beginning, but almost constant. Then it turns to sharp stabbing pain interspersed with the dull. Then it just hurts like hell all the time. When you suffer from chronic pain, you begin to question whether or not it's even there. You make light of it, even hide it from everyone so they don't think you're looking for sympathy. Because you're not, you're looking for relief. My doctor had me on percocet 5s to begin with. He decided to continue the injections and try to minimize my pain. During this time, I would also get huge cysts on my ovaries, which are painful in their own rite. Before long I was taking 2 percocet 10s as often as I could, this was about a year and a half later. I ended up moving back to Texas due to unforeseeable circumstances and sought out a new MD. I searched for a doctor who's specialty was endometriosis and made the wrong choice. He was too young, still working under the tutelage of a more experienced doctor and I let him operate on me. This time, they put me on Lupron for three months before the surgery, which didn't make any sense to me. I mean, I'd been on the damn drug for 7 months when the pain returned. My doctor was in Houston and I was living in Austin. Mom came down from Colorado to take care of me and we stayed in a corporate apartment for the week. I awoke from surgery sobbing again and my too young doctor told me they removed some lesions from the same area as before, lower left area of my abdomen. I remember seeing a movie and then sushi at my favorite restaurant with some friends two days later. And I was depressed. I wasn't fully aware of it, but I was becoming depressed again. The injections were no longer covered by my insurance and cost $350... in Canada. So I used a Canadian pharmacy and continued the injections for three more months. I moved back to Houston eventually and then the pain returned about a year and a half later. It was then that I heard from my 'endometriosis specialist' the ONE thing no woman in pain with a condition not fully understood wants to hear, "I can't do anything else for you." Now THAT'S depressing. I had been told, as far as I was concerned, I was making it up, I was just after pain meds, I didn't need help. And this came from a doctor at one of the largest Fertility Specialist Clinics in Houston, TX. They had at least forty doctors on staff. I was flabbergasted. And then I began taking zoloft and ambien. I hated the ambien, I really only took it once or twice. I didn't care for the zoloft either and to be honest, I've blocked a lot of that time period out. Oh, I'd also been in a massive car accident and herniated a disc in my neck which rendered me unable to perform my fairly lucrative job as a professional antique restorer. Yay for me! Injured, hurting and unemployed. My Dad found a reproductive endocrinologist for me to see and the light came back on. He prescribed Provera, which is used to treat prostate cancer, and continuous birth control pills to see if it would offer some relief. And it did. I was finally relieved. The pain came back of course. I got a job as an office manager for a restaurant, something I'd always wanted to explore, but I was lost. Drinking a lot, making friends with the wrong people, dating the WRONG guy, I was being self-destructive without realizing it. I threw myself into work. I'd get to the restaurant at 6 or 7 in the morning and stay until 11 or so at night. I was trying to run from life. And then I really ran, for all the wrong reasons. How I ended up in Arkansas next...
No comments:
Post a Comment